so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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