im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
