dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
