hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
