did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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