He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
