I like to think it a success when the cops are called
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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