do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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