Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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