I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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