i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
