my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize