we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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