New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
