please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
