i don't like sucking hair
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
