You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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