P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
