people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
