if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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