Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
