i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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