Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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