what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
