then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
