no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
