Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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