My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
