Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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