tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
