He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize