Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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