Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
