I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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