bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
