a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
