Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
