Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
