So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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