There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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