Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
