You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
