I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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