i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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