i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
