omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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