Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
