pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
