I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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