look no pants
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
