I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
