some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
