He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
