i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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