Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
