I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
