the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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